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1.1 ! root 1: Zippy the pinhead data base. The official copy of this is in the file ! 2: "MLY;YOW >" on MC.MIT.EDU ! 3: Everything up to the first ascii \000 (`null') character is a comment. ! 4: The file consits of zippy quotations (from various comic books and ! 5: strips by Bill Griffith) followed by a null character. ! 6: Newline chracters following a quotation are ignored and are present ! 7: only for readability. ! 8: Have FUN! ! 9: This file is currently used by: ! 10: * the FORTUNE program on MIT-OZ ! 11: * the m-x yow command in GNU Emacs. ! 12: * NIL (MIT Common Lisp)'s debugger ! 13: * something bandy wrote at LLL-CRG. ! 14: ! 15: - if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! ! 16: --"I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now. ! 17: I fed the cat. - Zippy" ! 18: --- I have seen the FUN --- ! 19: .. my NOSE is NUMB! ! 20: .. My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!! ! 21: ...bleakness....desolation....plastic forks... ! 22: ...he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. ! 23: ...I see TOILET SEATS... ! 24: ...I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! ! 25: ...I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within ! 26: SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! ! 27: ...I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM ! 28: of a KOSHER DELI -- ! 29: ...ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...ich lande im antiken Rom... ! 30: einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...ich rieche PIZZA... ! 31: ...Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!! ! 32: ...My vaseline is RUNNING... ! 33: ...or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last Tuesday? ! 34: ...someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN ! 35: ...the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! ! 36: ..are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? ! 37: ..does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? ! 38: ..here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! ! 39: ..I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS ! 40: with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! ! 41: ..I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! ! 42: ..I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with ! 43: a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS... ! 44: ..I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! ! 45: ..If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!! ! 46: ..over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting.. ! 47: ..the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA ! 48: is a barbequeued OYSTER! Yum! ! 49: ..this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! ! 50: A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! ! 51: A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! ! 52: A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with ! 53: LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? ! 54: Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! ! 55: All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled ! 56: by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS... ! 57: All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! ! 58: All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! ! 59: All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! ! 60: Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? ! 61: Am I elected yet? ! 62: America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into your ! 63: void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind -- ! 64: An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? ! 65: An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! ! 66: And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! ! 67: ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like ! 68: RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR! ! 69: Are we live or on tape? ! 70: Are we THERE yet? ! 71: Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! ! 72: Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? ! 73: Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! ! 74: Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? ! 75: As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! ! 76: Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? ! 77: Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! ! 78: But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!! ! 79: Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. ! 80: BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot.. ! 81: BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- ! 82: Bo Derek ruined my life! ! 83: Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... ! 84: Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! ! 85: But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? ! 86: Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? ! 87: Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! ! 88: CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! ! 89: Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! ! 90: Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! ! 91: Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow ! 92: the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN ! 93: the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! ! 94: CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY, ! 95: self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? ! 96: Could I have a drug overdose? ! 97: Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations ! 98: in a MALIBU HOT TUB? ! 99: Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? ! 100: Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? ! 101: Did I SELL OUT yet?? ! 102: Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? ! 103: DIDI...is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? ! 104: Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? ! 105: Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running ! 106: straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions ! 107: and devalue the dollar! ! 108: Do I have a lifestyle yet? ! 109: Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? ! 110: Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? ! 111: Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days? ! 112: DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES...WAIT!! Don't ! 113: go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ...And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! ! 114: Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! ! 115: Don't SANFORIZE me!! ! 116: Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! ! 117: Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! ! 118: Everybody gets free BORSCHT! ! 119: Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale ! 120: or a disaster Movie!! ! 121: FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! ! 122: Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my ! 123: gothic solarium!! ! 124: FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS.. ! 125: FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! ! 126: Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make ! 127: my satellite dish PAYMENTS! ! 128: Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU - - - ! 129: Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! ! 130: Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! ! 131: Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! ! 132: Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard--I'm living for today! ! 133: Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ! 134: ...Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!! ! 135: He is the MELBA-BEING...the ANGEL CAKE...XEROX him...XEROX him -- ! 136: HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! ! 137: HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! ! 138: Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! ! 139: Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan females!! ! 140: Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! ! 141: World War III? No thanks! ! 142: Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess.. ! 143: Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles.. ! 144: Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN ! 145: anywhere!! ! 146: Here we are in America...when do we collect unemployment? ! 147: Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ..you're not Clint Eastwood!! ! 148: Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some drunken ! 149: CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! ! 150: Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE ! 151: ORCHESTRA...ha..ha.. ! 152: Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE... ! 153: Hmmm..a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a TROLLEY-CAR.. ! 154: Hmmm..A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted ! 155: island, when... ! 156: Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS... ! 157: How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? ! 158: How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? ! 159: I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! ! 160: I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. ! 161: I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! ! 162: I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! ! 163: I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! ! 164: I am NOT a nut.... ! 165: I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! ! 166: I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!! ! 167: I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! ! 168: I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! ! 169: I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of ! 170: LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS... ! 171: I demand IMPUNITY! ! 172: I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO! ! 173: I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all ! 174: just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen-- ! 175: ..to sell more numbers!! ! 176: I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS ! 177: in my read molars.. ! 178: I feel better about world problems now! ! 179: I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! ! 180: I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! ! 181: I feel partially hydrogenated! ! 182: I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O... ! 183: I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81... ! 184: I had pancake makeup for brunch! ! 185: I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD ! 186: I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. ! 187: I have accepted Provolone into my life! ! 188: ..I have read the INSTRUCTIONS... ! 189: I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket.. ! 190: I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! ! 191: I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling ! 192: every day from Oral Roberts!! ! 193: I hope I bought the right relish...zzzzzzzzz..." ! 194: I hope the "Eurythmics" practice birth control... ! 195: I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half ! 196: your life savings in yeast!! ! 197: I invented skydiving in 1989! ! 198: I joined scientology at a garage sale!! ! 199: I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! ! 200: I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. But now I can't remember WHO he is... ! 201: I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! ! 202: I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch ! 203: with my LEISURE SUIT!! ! 204: I just remembered something about a TOAD! ! 205: I Know A Joke ! 206: I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! ! 207: I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! ! 208: I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! ! 209: I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! ! 210: I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!! ! 211: I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! ! 212: I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! ! 213: I represent a sardine!! ! 214: I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! ! 215: I selected E5...but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs!" ! 216: I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! ! 217: I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! ! 218: I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! ! 219: I think my career is ruined! ! 220: I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the ! 221: HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! ! 222: I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!! ! 223: I want a WESSON OIL lease!! ! 224: I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!! ! 225: I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. ! 226: I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with ! 227: VASELINE and WHEAT THINS.. ! 228: I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! ! 229: I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space... ! 230: I want you to organize my PASTRY trays...my TEA-TINS are gleaming in ! 231: formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with me -- ! 232: I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! ! 233: I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! ! 234: I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! ! 235: I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! ! 236: I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? ! 237: I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- ! 238: I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! ! 239: I'd like some JUNK FOOD...and then I want to be ALONE - - ! 240: I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! ! 241: I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS... ! 242: I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany ! 243: I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!! ! 244: I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! ! 245: I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! ! 246: I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! ! 247: I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! ! 248: I'm definitely not in Omaha! ! 249: I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this ! 250: miniature DOMED STADIUM... ! 251: I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... ! 252: I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! ! 253: I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! ! 254: I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! ! 255: I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! ! 256: I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! ! 257: I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! ! 258: I'm having an emotional outburst!! ! 259: I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE ! 260: in my PAJAMA POCKET?? ! 261: I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! ! 262: I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. ! 263: I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my ! 264: PERSONAL SPACE!! ! 265: I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD STERLING ! 266: when you really need him? ! 267: I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! ! 268: I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? ! 269: I'm rated PG-34!! ! 270: I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! ! 271: I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with MISSILES!! ! 272: I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin Hustle now! ! 273: I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! ! 274: I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS ! 275: of this POTATO!! ! 276: I'm wet! I'm wild! ! 277: I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. ! 278: I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT... ! 279: If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy... ! 280: If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! ! 281: If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced ! 282: by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! ! 283: If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! ! 284: If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! ! 285: If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! ! 286: If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo?? ! 287: In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! ! 288: INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! ! 289: Inside, I'm already SOBBING! ! 290: Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in Safeway? ! 291: Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG ! 292: his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR... ! 293: Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in ! 294: one wild afternoon?? ! 295: Is it clean in other dimensions? ! 296: Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a plate ! 297: of SAUCE MORNAY? ! 298: Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? ! 299: Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also ! 300: makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? ! 301: It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! ! 302: It's a lot of fun being alive...I wonder if my bed is made?!? ! 303: It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. ! 304: It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! ! 305: It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!! ! 306: JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level of ! 307: COMPARATIVE SHOPPING... ! 308: Kids, don't gross me off.. "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be carried ! 309: too FAR! ! 310: Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, PESTICIDES, ! 311: ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! ! 312: Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine ! 313: is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! ! 314: LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! ! 315: Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you.. ! 316: I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE.. ! 317: I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS... ! 318: Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS... ! 319: Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! ! 320: Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! ! 321: Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! ! 322: Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS... ! 323: or a HIGHBALL??... ! 324: Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card! ! 325: Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! ! 326: LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and ! 327: ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS! ! 328: Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! ! 329: Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE-- ! 330: MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! ! 331: MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! ! 332: My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! ! 333: My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION ! 334: and full kitchen!! ! 335: My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!! ! 336: My EARS are GONE!! ! 337: My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!! ! 338: My haircut is totally traditional! ! 339: My life is a patio of fun! ! 340: My mind is a potato field... ! 341: My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton.... ! 342: My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie... ! 343: My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! ! 344: My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! ! 345: My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! ! 346: NATHAN...your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED ! 347: They had no CHAINSAWS ...They had no MONEY MACHINES ! 348: ...They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ...Nathan, I EMULATED them ! 349: ...but they were OFF-KEY... ! 350: NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! ! 351: Not SENSUOUS...only "FROLICSOME"...and in need of DENTAL WORK...in PAIN!!! ! 352: Now I am depressed... ! 353: Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward ! 354: the end of World War II! ! 355: Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS ! 356: and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! ! 357: Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"! ! 358: Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- ! 359: Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY?? ! 360: Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! ! 361: OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S ! 362: and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! ! 363: OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O ! 364: and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if ! 365: it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um...WHERE'S the ! 366: WASHING MACHINES? ! 367: On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING BEES ! 368: aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!! ! 369: On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT. ! 370: Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, FASHION statements ! 371: or NAUTILUS equipment... ! 372: Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP.. ! 373: It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!! ! 374: We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and ! 375: a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes! ! 376: OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND REPAIR!! ! 377: PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? ! 378: Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your BOOTH! ! 379: PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. ! 380: Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS ! 381: in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! ! 382: Please come home with me...I have Tylenol!! ! 383: Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! ! 384: PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! ! 385: Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! ! 386: RELATIVES!! ! 387: Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!! ! 388: RHAPSODY in Glue! ! 389: Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK ! 390: hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? ! 391: So this is what it feels like to be potato salad ! 392: Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!! ! 393: Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up ! 394: a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! ! 395: Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing ! 396: "Leave it to Beaver"! ! 397: Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? ! 398: TAILFINS!! ...click... ! 399: TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash Cycle" ! 400: is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! ! 401: Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to Minnesota ! 402: but don't EMBARRASS me!! ! 403: Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL ! 404: The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth ! 405: the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! ! 406: The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- ! 407: and have since BIRTH!! ! 408: The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN... ! 409: The Korean War must have been fun. ! 410: The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!! ! 411: The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for and END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! ! 412: The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! ! 413: But they went to MARS around 1953!! ! 414: There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS ! 415: in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! ! 416: There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! ! 417: These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! ! 418: They collapsed....like nuns in the street....they had no teen appeal! ! 419: This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD...He's so..so.....URGENT!! ! 420: This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! ! 421: Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER, ! 422: and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! ! 423: Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a... ! 424: feeling for the aesthetic modules -- ! 425: Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES... ! 426: Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! ! 427: ..I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. ! 428: Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader ! 429: frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? ! 430: Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED! ! 431: Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction?? ! 432: Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! ! 433: We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub... ! 434: We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- ! 435: We just joined the civil hair patrol! ! 436: Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to ! 437: VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! ! 438: Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM... ! 439: Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? ! 440: What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? ! 441: What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK... ! 442: What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? ! 443: What PROGRAM are they watching? ! 444: What UNIVERSE is this, please?? ! 445: Where does it go when you flush? ! 446: Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? ! 447: Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! ! 448: While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, ! 449: Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! ! 450: WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! ! 451: WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must ! 452: be the NEGATIVE IONS!! ! 453: Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? ! 454: Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? ! 455: Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER ! 456: with you?? ! 457: Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air? ! 458: Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? ! 459: With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather.. ! 460: World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code! ! 461: Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! ! 462: Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders!" ! 463: Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather ! 464: at an IRON MAIDEN concert? ! 465: You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW CAREER!! ! 466: You were s'posed to laugh! ! 467: Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- ! 468: Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes! ! 469: Yow! ! 470: Yow! Am I having fun yet? ! 471: Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? ! 472: Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! ! 473: Yow! Are we laid back yet? ! 474: Yow! Are we wet yet? ! 475: Yow! Are you the self-frying president? ! 476: Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? ! 477: Yow! I just went below the poverty line! ! 478: Yow! I threw up on my window! ! 479: Yow! I want my nose in lights! ! 480: Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! ! 481: Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill! ! 482: Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! ! 483: Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? ! 484: Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? ! 485: Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! ! 486: Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! ! 487: Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY-- ! 488: Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL ! 489: when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! ! 490: Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! ! 491: Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! ! 492: Yow! We're going to a new disco! ! 493: YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!" ! 494: YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! ! 495: YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! ! 496: YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL, ! 497: ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! ! 498: YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! ! 499: YOW!!! I am having fun!!! ! 500: Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
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