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1.1 root 1: Zippy the pinhead data base. The official copy of this is in the file
2: "MLY;YOW >" on MC.MIT.EDU
3: Everything up to the first ascii \000 (`null') character is a comment.
4: The file consits of zippy quotations (from various comic books and
5: strips by Bill Griffith) followed by a null character.
6: Newline chracters following a quotation are ignored and are present
7: only for readability.
8: Have FUN!
9: This file is currently used by:
10: * the FORTUNE program on MIT-OZ
11: * the m-x yow command in GNU Emacs.
12: * NIL (MIT Common Lisp)'s debugger
13: * something bandy wrote at LLL-CRG.
14:
15: - if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
16: --"I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now.
17: I fed the cat. - Zippy"
18: --- I have seen the FUN ---
19: .. my NOSE is NUMB!
20: .. My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
21: ...bleakness....desolation....plastic forks...
22: ...he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
23: ...I see TOILET SEATS...
24: ...I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
25: ...I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
26: SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
27: ...I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
28: of a KOSHER DELI --
29: ...ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...ich lande im antiken Rom...
30: einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...ich rieche PIZZA...
31: ...Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
32: ...My vaseline is RUNNING...
33: ...or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last Tuesday?
34: ...someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
35: ...the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
36: ..are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
37: ..does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
38: ..here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
39: ..I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS
40: with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
41: ..I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
42: ..I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with
43: a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS...
44: ..I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
45: ..If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!
46: ..over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting..
47: ..the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA
48: is a barbequeued OYSTER! Yum!
49: ..this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
50: A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
51: A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
52: A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with
53: LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
54: Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
55: All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
56: by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...
57: All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
58: All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
59: All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
60: Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
61: Am I elected yet?
62: America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into your
63: void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind --
64: An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
65: An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
66: And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
67: ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like
68: RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
69: Are we live or on tape?
70: Are we THERE yet?
71: Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
72: Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
73: Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
74: Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
75: As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
76: Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
77: Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
78: But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!!
79: Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
80: BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..
81: BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
82: Bo Derek ruined my life!
83: Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
84: Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
85: But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
86: Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
87: Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!
88: CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
89: Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
90: Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
91: Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow
92: the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN
93: the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!
94: CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY,
95: self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
96: Could I have a drug overdose?
97: Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations
98: in a MALIBU HOT TUB?
99: Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
100: Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???
101: Did I SELL OUT yet??
102: Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
103: DIDI...is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
104: Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
105: Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
106: straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions
107: and devalue the dollar!
108: Do I have a lifestyle yet?
109: Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
110: Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
111: Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
112: DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES...WAIT!! Don't
113: go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ...And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
114: Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
115: Don't SANFORIZE me!!
116: Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
117: Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
118: Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
119: Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale
120: or a disaster Movie!!
121: FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
122: Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
123: gothic solarium!!
124: FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS..
125: FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
126: Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make
127: my satellite dish PAYMENTS!
128: Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU - - -
129: Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
130: Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
131: Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
132: Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard--I'm living for today!
133: Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??
134: ...Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
135: He is the MELBA-BEING...the ANGEL CAKE...XEROX him...XEROX him --
136: HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
137: HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
138: Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
139: Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan females!!
140: Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!
141: World War III? No thanks!
142: Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess..
143: Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles..
144: Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN
145: anywhere!!
146: Here we are in America...when do we collect unemployment?
147: Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ..you're not Clint Eastwood!!
148: Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some drunken
149: CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
150: Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE
151: ORCHESTRA...ha..ha..
152: Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE...
153: Hmmm..a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a TROLLEY-CAR..
154: Hmmm..A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted
155: island, when...
156: Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS...
157: How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
158: How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
159: I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
160: I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut.
161: I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
162: I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
163: I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
164: I am NOT a nut....
165: I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
166: I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!!
167: I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
168: I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
169: I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of
170: LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS...
171: I demand IMPUNITY!
172: I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO!
173: I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all
174: just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen--
175: ..to sell more numbers!!
176: I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS
177: in my read molars..
178: I feel better about world problems now!
179: I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
180: I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
181: I feel partially hydrogenated!
182: I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O...
183: I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81...
184: I had pancake makeup for brunch!
185: I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
186: I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you.
187: I have accepted Provolone into my life!
188: ..I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...
189: I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket..
190: I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
191: I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
192: every day from Oral Roberts!!
193: I hope I bought the right relish...zzzzzzzzz..."
194: I hope the "Eurythmics" practice birth control...
195: I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half
196: your life savings in yeast!!
197: I invented skydiving in 1989!
198: I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
199: I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
200: I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. But now I can't remember WHO he is...
201: I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
202: I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch
203: with my LEISURE SUIT!!
204: I just remembered something about a TOAD!
205: I Know A Joke
206: I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
207: I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
208: I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
209: I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
210: I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!!
211: I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
212: I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
213: I represent a sardine!!
214: I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
215: I selected E5...but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs!"
216: I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
217: I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
218: I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
219: I think my career is ruined!
220: I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the
221: HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
222: I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!!
223: I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
224: I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!!
225: I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
226: I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with
227: VASELINE and WHEAT THINS..
228: I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
229: I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space...
230: I want you to organize my PASTRY trays...my TEA-TINS are gleaming in
231: formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with me --
232: I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
233: I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
234: I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
235: I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
236: I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
237: I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
238: I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
239: I'd like some JUNK FOOD...and then I want to be ALONE - -
240: I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
241: I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS...
242: I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
243: I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!
244: I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
245: I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
246: I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!!
247: I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
248: I'm definitely not in Omaha!
249: I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this
250: miniature DOMED STADIUM...
251: I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late...
252: I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
253: I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
254: I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
255: I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
256: I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
257: I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!
258: I'm having an emotional outburst!!
259: I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE
260: in my PAJAMA POCKET??
261: I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
262: I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
263: I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my
264: PERSONAL SPACE!!
265: I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD STERLING
266: when you really need him?
267: I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
268: I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly??
269: I'm rated PG-34!!
270: I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
271: I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with MISSILES!!
272: I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin Hustle now!
273: I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!
274: I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS
275: of this POTATO!!
276: I'm wet! I'm wild!
277: I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
278: I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT...
279: If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy...
280: If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
281: If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced
282: by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
283: If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
284: If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
285: If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
286: If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??
287: In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
288: INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
289: Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
290: Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in Safeway?
291: Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG
292: his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR...
293: Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in
294: one wild afternoon??
295: Is it clean in other dimensions?
296: Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a plate
297: of SAUCE MORNAY?
298: Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
299: Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also
300: makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
301: It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
302: It's a lot of fun being alive...I wonder if my bed is made?!?
303: It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
304: It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
305: It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!!
306: JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level of
307: COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...
308: Kids, don't gross me off.. "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be carried
309: too FAR!
310: Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, PESTICIDES,
311: ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
312: Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine
313: is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
314: LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
315: Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you..
316: I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE..
317: I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS...
318: Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS...
319: Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
320: Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
321: Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
322: Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS...
323: or a HIGHBALL??...
324: Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!
325: Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
326: LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and
327: ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS!
328: Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
329: Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE--
330: MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
331: MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
332: My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
333: My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION
334: and full kitchen!!
335: My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!!
336: My EARS are GONE!!
337: My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!
338: My haircut is totally traditional!
339: My life is a patio of fun!
340: My mind is a potato field...
341: My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton....
342: My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie...
343: My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
344: My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
345: My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!
346: NATHAN...your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED
347: They had no CHAINSAWS ...They had no MONEY MACHINES
348: ...They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ...Nathan, I EMULATED them
349: ...but they were OFF-KEY...
350: NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
351: Not SENSUOUS...only "FROLICSOME"...and in need of DENTAL WORK...in PAIN!!!
352: Now I am depressed...
353: Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward
354: the end of World War II!
355: Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS
356: and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
357: Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
358: Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
359: Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
360: Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
361: OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S
362: and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
363: OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
364: and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
365: it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um...WHERE'S the
366: WASHING MACHINES?
367: On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING BEES
368: aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
369: On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
370: Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, FASHION statements
371: or NAUTILUS equipment...
372: Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP..
373: It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!!
374: We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and
375: a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!
376: OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND REPAIR!!
377: PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
378: Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your BOOTH!
379: PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
380: Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS
381: in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
382: Please come home with me...I have Tylenol!!
383: Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
384: PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!
385: Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
386: RELATIVES!!
387: Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!!
388: RHAPSODY in Glue!
389: Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
390: hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
391: So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
392: Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
393: Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up
394: a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
395: Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing
396: "Leave it to Beaver"!
397: Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?
398: TAILFINS!! ...click...
399: TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash Cycle"
400: is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
401: Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to Minnesota
402: but don't EMBARRASS me!!
403: Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
404: The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
405: the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
406: The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
407: and have since BIRTH!!
408: The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN...
409: The Korean War must have been fun.
410: The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!
411: The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for and END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
412: The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!
413: But they went to MARS around 1953!!
414: There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
415: in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
416: There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
417: These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
418: They collapsed....like nuns in the street....they had no teen appeal!
419: This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD...He's so..so.....URGENT!!
420: This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
421: Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD SWALLOWER,
422: and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
423: Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a...
424: feeling for the aesthetic modules --
425: Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES...
426: Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
427: ..I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
428: Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
429: frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
430: Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED!
431: Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
432: Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!
433: We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub...
434: We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
435: We just joined the civil hair patrol!
436: Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
437: VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
438: Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM...
439: Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
440: What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
441: What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK...
442: What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
443: What PROGRAM are they watching?
444: What UNIVERSE is this, please??
445: Where does it go when you flush?
446: Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
447: Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!!
448: While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING,
449: Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
450: WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
451: WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must
452: be the NEGATIVE IONS!!
453: Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
454: Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
455: Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER
456: with you??
457: Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
458: Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
459: With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather..
460: World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
461: Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it!
462: Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders!"
463: Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather
464: at an IRON MAIDEN concert?
465: You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW CAREER!!
466: You were s'posed to laugh!
467: Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
468: Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes!
469: Yow!
470: Yow! Am I having fun yet?
471: Yow! Am I in Milwaukee?
472: Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
473: Yow! Are we laid back yet?
474: Yow! Are we wet yet?
475: Yow! Are you the self-frying president?
476: Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
477: Yow! I just went below the poverty line!
478: Yow! I threw up on my window!
479: Yow! I want my nose in lights!
480: Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
481: Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill!
482: Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
483: Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
484: Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??
485: Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
486: Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!
487: Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY--
488: Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL
489: when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
490: Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
491: Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
492: Yow! We're going to a new disco!
493: YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!"
494: YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!
495: YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!
496: YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL,
497: ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
498: YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
499: YOW!!! I am having fun!!!
500: Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
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