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1.1 ! root 1: Zippy the pinhead data base. The official copy of this is in the file ! 2: "MLY;YOW >" on AI.AI.MIT.EDU ! 3: Everything up to the first ascii \000 (`null') character is a comment. ! 4: The file consits of zippy quotations (from various comic books and ! 5: strips by Bill Griffith) followed by a null character. ! 6: Newline chracters following a quotation are ignored and are present ! 7: only for readability. ! 8: Have FUN! ! 9: This file is currently used by: ! 10: * the FORTUNE program on OZ.AI.MIT.EDU ! 11: * the m-x yow command in GNU Emacs. ! 12: * NIL (MIT Common Lisp)'s debugger ! 13: * something bandy wrote at LLL-CRG.ARPA (fucking death labs). ! 14: ! 15: - if it GLISTENS, gobble it!! ! 16: -- In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a ! 17: ``Continental Belt,'' for $10.99!! ! 18: --``I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now. ! 19: I fed the cat. - Zippy'' ! 20: --- I have seen the FUN --- ! 21: .. Do you like ``TENDER VITTLES?''? ! 22: .. I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. ! 23: LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE! ! 24: .. I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!! ! 25: .. I feel.. JUGULAR.. ! 26: .. I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!! ! 27: .. I see TOILET SEATS... ! 28: .. I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with ! 29: a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS... ! 30: .. I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this ! 31: 14th STOREY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!! ! 32: .. I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within ! 33: SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!! ! 34: .. I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!! ! 35: .. I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!! ! 36: .. I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE ! 37: as a COMPLETE STRANGER? ! 38: .. I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM ! 39: of a KOSHER DELI -- ! 40: .. If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!! ! 41: .. Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST ! 42: here in DUSSELDORF!! ! 43: .. My pants just went on a wild rampage through ! 44: a Long Island Bowling Alley!! ! 45: .. My vaseline is RUNNING... ! 46: .. Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes ! 47: JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER! ! 48: .. Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS.. ! 49: .. Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family ! 50: of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their ! 51: PROPERTY VALUES!! ! 52: .. One FISHWICH coming up!! ! 53: .. Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- ! 54: or have a VASECTOMY?? ! 55: .. So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into ! 56: HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks ! 57: will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!! ! 58: .. are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER? ! 59: .. bleakness.... desolation.... plastic forks... ! 60: .. does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS? ! 61: .. he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE. ! 62: .. here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!! ! 63: .. hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub. ! 64: .. ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr... ! 65: ich lande im antiken Rom... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble... ! 66: ich rieche PIZZA... ! 67: .. my NOSE is NUMB! ! 68: .. or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me ! 69: in MIAMI last Tuesday? ! 70: .. over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting.. ! 71: .. someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN ! 72: .. the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA ! 73: is a barbequeued OYSTER! Yum! ! 74: .. the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! ! 75: .. this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!! ! 76: A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!! ! 77: A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit! ! 78: A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume.. ! 79: A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with ! 80: LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight?? ! 81: ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like ! 82: RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR! ! 83: Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!! ! 84: All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled ! 85: by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS... ! 86: All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, ! 87: grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ! 88: ... Although I don't know WHY!! ! 89: All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat! ! 90: All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds! ! 91: All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT! ! 92: Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!! ! 93: Am I SHOPLIFTING? ! 94: Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN? ! 95: Am I elected yet? ! 96: Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet? ! 97: America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into ! 98: your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind -- ! 99: An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS?? ! 100: An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES! ! 101: An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! ! 102: And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!! ! 103: Are we THERE yet? ! 104: Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!! ! 105: Are we live or on tape? ! 106: Are we on STRIKE yet? ! 107: Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut?? ! 108: Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!! ! 109: Are you still an ALCOHOLIC? ! 110: As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection! ! 111: Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY? ! 112: BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!! ! 113: BARRY.. That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of ! 114: ``I DID IT MY WAY'' I've ever heard!! ! 115: BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot.. ! 116: BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI- ! 117: Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! ! 118: But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at ``Mr. Liquor''!! ! 119: Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST. ! 120: Bo Derek ruined my life! ! 121: Boy, am I glad it's only 1971... ! 122: Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!! ! 123: But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade? ! 124: CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH! ! 125: CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about ! 126: DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE?? ! 127: Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead? ! 128: Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE? ! 129: Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger! ! 130: Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!! ! 131: Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!! ! 132: Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! ! 133: Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE EXIT!! ! 134: Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! ! 135: JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!! ! 136: Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON.. The waitress's ! 137: UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8'' by 10'' GLOSSY.. ! 138: Could I have a drug overdose? ! 139: DIDI... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL? ! 140: DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES... WAIT!! ! 141: Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell!... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!! ! 142: Did I SELL OUT yet?? ! 143: Did I do an INCORRECT THING?? ! 144: Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus??? ! 145: Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA? ! 146: Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations ! 147: in a MALIBU HOT TUB? ! 148: Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy? ! 149: Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo? ! 150: Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running ! 151: straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions ! 152: and devalue the dollar! ! 153: Do I have a lifestyle yet? ! 154: Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space? ! 155: Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat?? ! 156: Do you think the ``Monkees'' should get gas on odd or even days? ! 157: Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me? ! 158: Don't SANFORIZE me!! ! 159: Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! ! 160: Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ! 161: .. FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, ! 162: BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY!.. Are there any QUESTIONS?? ! 163: Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!! ! 164: Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!! ! 165: Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!! ! 166: Everybody gets free BORSCHT! ! 167: Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale ! 168: or a disaster Movie!! ! 169: Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT... ! 170: Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the ! 171: survival of OFFSET PRINTING? ! 172: FEELINGS are cascading over me!!! ! 173: FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!! ! 174: FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS.. ! 175: FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! ! 176: Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the ! 177: faculty dining room. ! 178: First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test.. ! 179: So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!! ! 180: Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my ! 181: gothic solarium!! ! 182: GOOD-NIGHT, everybody.. Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID ! 183: to my pet LEISURE SUIT!! ! 184: Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make ! 185: my satellite dish PAYMENTS! ! 186: Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU --- ! 187: Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!! ! 188: Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!! ! 189: HAIR TONICS, please!! ! 190: HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death! ! 191: HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!! ! 192: HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!! ! 193: HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!! ! 194: HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST... ! 195: Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste! ! 196: Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard ! 197: -- I'm living for today! ! 198: Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??... ! 199: Now, it's time to ``HAVE A NAGEELA''!! ! 200: He is the MELBA-BEING... the ANGEL CAKE... ! 201: XEROX him... XEROX him -- ! 202: He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE ! 203: inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd ! 204: like to PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection ! 205: to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess ! 206: I should call AL PACINO! ! 207: Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!! ! 208: Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic ! 209: Alaskan females!! ! 210: Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your ! 211: INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!! ! 212: Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! ! 213: World War III? No thanks! ! 214: Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess.. ! 215: Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying ! 216: my urine sample bottles.. ! 217: Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN ! 218: anywhere!! ! 219: Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment? ! 220: Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!!.. you're not Clint Eastwood!! ! 221: Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce! ! 222: Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some ! 223: drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!! ! 224: Hmmm.. A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted ! 225: island, when... ! 226: Hmmm.. a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT ! 227: by a TROLLEY-CAR.. ! 228: Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE ! 229: ORCHESTRA... ha.. ha.. ! 230: Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of ! 231: POLYVINYL CHLORIDE... ! 232: Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS... ! 233: How do I get HOME? ! 234: How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? ! 235: It's th' MOUSTACHE... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates ! 236: SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take ! 237: HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA! ! 238: How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing ! 239: PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW?? ! 240: How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS?? ! 241: How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism? ! 242: I HAVE to buy a new ``DODGE MISER'' and two dozen JORDACHE ! 243: JEANS because my viewscreen is ``USER-FRIENDLY''!! ! 244: I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little ! 245: COLE SLAW on the SIDE? ! 246: I Know A Joke ! 247: I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!! ! 248: I am NOT a nut.... ! 249: I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut. ! 250: I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927! ! 251: I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller! ! 252: I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST! ! 253: I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN? ! 254: I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!! ! 255: I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!! ! 256: I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! ! 257: I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems! ! 258: I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of ! 259: LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS... ! 260: I demand IMPUNITY! ! 261: I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO! ! 262: I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all ! 263: just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen-- ! 264: .. to sell more numbers!! ! 265: I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS ! 266: in my rear molars.. ! 267: I feel better about world problems now! ! 268: I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV.. ! 269: I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!! ! 270: I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon! ! 271: I feel partially hydrogenated! ! 272: I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies ! 273: of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to ! 274: the top.. They look NICE in the yard-- ! 275: I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O... ! 276: I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING! ! 277: I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81... ! 278: I had pancake makeup for brunch! ! 279: I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD ! 280: I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. ! 281: I have accepted Provolone into my life! ! 282: I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS.. ! 283: I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket.. ! 284: .. I have read the INSTRUCTIONS... ! 285: I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!! ! 286: I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling ! 287: every day from Oral Roberts!! ! 288: I hope I bought the right relish... zzzzzzzzz... ! 289: I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have ! 290: a REASON to live!! ! 291: I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control... ! 292: I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half ! 293: your life savings in yeast!! ! 294: I invented skydiving in 1989! ! 295: I joined scientology at a garage sale!! ! 296: I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! ! 297: I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. ! 298: But now I can't remember WHO he is... ! 299: I just had a NOSE JOB!! ! 300: I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON! ! 301: I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch ! 302: with my LEISURE SUIT!! ! 303: I just remembered something about a TOAD! ! 304: I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!! ! 305: I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!! ! 306: I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!! ! 307: I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!! ! 308: I like the way ONLY their mouths move.. They look like DYING OYSTERS ! 309: I like your SNOOPY POSTER!! ! 310: I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!! ! 311: I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least ! 312: six studio SLEAZEBALLS!! ! 313: I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!! ! 314: I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank! ! 315: I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think ! 316: about GUN CONTROL legislation.. ! 317: I represent a sardine!! ! 318: I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers! ! 319: I selected E5... but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs''! ! 320: I smell a RANCID CORN DOG! ! 321: I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day! ! 322: I think I am an overnight sensation right now!! ! 323: I think my career is ruined! ! 324: I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the ! 325: HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!! ! 326: I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!! ! 327: I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!! ! 328: I want a WESSON OIL lease!! ! 329: I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!! ! 330: I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres. ! 331: I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with ! 332: VASELINE and WHEAT THINS.. ! 333: I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!! ! 334: I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space... ! 335: I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!! ! 336: I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY.. ! 337: BACKWARDS!! ! 338: I want you to organize my PASTRY trays... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in ! 339: formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- ! 340: please don't be FURIOUS with me -- ! 341: I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution! ! 342: I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus! ! 343: I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!! ! 344: I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog! ! 345: I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world? ! 346: I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!! ! 347: I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight? ! 348: I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool -- ! 349: I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried! ! 350: I'd like some JUNK FOOD... and then I want to be ALONE -- ! 351: I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!! ! 352: I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS... ! 353: I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!! ! 354: I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this ! 355: miniature DOMED STADIUM... ! 356: I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!! ! 357: I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!! ! 358: I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of ``BOWLING WORLD'' ! 359: while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY.. ! 360: I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! ! 361: Equip me with MISSILES!! ! 362: I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode. ! 363: I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!! ! 364: I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany ! 365: I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex! ! 366: I'm also against BODY-SURFING!! ! 367: I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!! ! 368: I'm changing the CHANNEL.. But all I get is commercials ! 369: for ``RONCO MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS''! ! 370: I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!! ! 371: I'm definitely not in Omaha! ! 372: I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late... ! 373: I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!! ! 374: I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!! ! 375: I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES ! 376: of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS.. ! 377: I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!! ! 378: I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS! ! 379: I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.. and I don't take any DRUGS ! 380: I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!! ! 381: I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE ! 382: in my PAJAMA POCKET?? ! 383: I'm having an emotional outburst!! ! 384: I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!! ! 385: I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS. ! 386: I'm into SOFTWARE! ! 387: I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my ! 388: PERSONAL SPACE!! ! 389: I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? ! 390: Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him? ! 391: I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!! ! 392: I'm not available for comment.. ! 393: I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly?? ! 394: I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS ! 395: instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN! ! 396: I'm rated PG-34!! ! 397: I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!! ! 398: I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do ! 399: the Latin Hustle now! ! 400: I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!! ! 401: I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN.. To me, it's ENJOYABLE.. ! 402: I'm WARM.. I'm VIBRATORY.. ! 403: I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and ! 404: computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS.. ! 405: I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN.. ! 406: I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the ! 407: INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!! ! 408: I'm wearing PAMPERS!! ! 409: I'm wet! I'm wild! ! 410: I'm young.. I'm HEALTHY.. I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS! ! 411: I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT... ! 412: I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, ! 413: you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!! ! 414: I've read SEVEN MILLION books!! ! 415: INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!! ! 416: If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again! ! 417: If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE ! 418: will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET! ! 419: If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT! ! 420: If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th'collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! ! 421: If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST! ! 422: If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will ! 423: Jodie Foster marry Bonzo?? ! 424: If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD ! 425: for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE ! 426: of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!! ! 427: If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American ! 428: a 55-year-old houseboy... ! 429: If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun! ! 430: In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day! ! 431: Inside, I'm already SOBBING! ! 432: Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? ! 433: Or are we suffering in Safeway? ! 434: Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in ! 435: one wild afternoon?? ! 436: Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop ! 437: in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY? ! 438: Is it clean in other dimensions? ! 439: Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN? ! 440: Is this TERMINAL fun? ! 441: Is this an out-take from the ``BRADY BUNCH''? ! 442: Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy? ! 443: Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also ! 444: makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR? ! 445: Isn't this my STOP?! ! 446: It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!! ! 447: It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages ! 448: from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!! ! 449: It's NO USE.. I've gone to ``CLUB MED''!! ! 450: It's OBVIOUS.. The FURS never reached ISTANBUL.. You were ! 451: an EXTRA in the REMAKE of ``TOPKAPI''.. Go home to your ! 452: WIFE.. She's making FRENCH TOAST! ! 453: It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. ! 454: It's a lot of fun being alive... I wonder if my bed is made?!? ! 455: It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!! ! 456: JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach ! 457: their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING... ! 458: Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL.. ! 459: Kids, don't gross me off.. ``Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE'' ! 460: can be carried too FAR! ! 461: Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, ! 462: PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!! ! 463: LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??! ! 464: LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and ! 465: ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS! ! 466: Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine ! 467: is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!! ! 468: Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you.. ! 469: I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE.. ! 470: I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS... ! 471: Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS... ! 472: Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!! ! 473: Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories! ! 474: Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!! ! 475: Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!! ! 476: Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS... ! 477: or a HIGHBALL??... ! 478: Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card! ! 479: Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich! ! 480: MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician! ! 481: MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! ! 482: MY income is ALL disposable! ! 483: Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!! ! 484: Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP ! 485: in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU! ! 486: Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE-- ! 487: Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed ! 488: with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!!... Oh BOY!! I'm ! 489: about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG ! 490: soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!! .. Let's see.. ! 491: Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS ! 492: fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded ! 493: animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! ! 494: For DESSERT, I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS ! 495: on a stone-ground, WHOLE WHEAT BUN!! ! 496: Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production ! 497: of the INDONESIAN archipelago? ! 498: My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!! ! 499: My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless ! 500: DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!! ! 501: My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE ! 502: in upstate New York!! ! 503: My EARS are GONE!! ! 504: My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN.. ! 505: My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!! ! 506: My haircut is totally traditional! ! 507: My life is a patio of fun! ! 508: My mind is a potato field... ! 509: My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton.... ! 510: My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie... ! 511: My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!! ! 512: My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift! ! 513: My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!! ! 514: NANCY!! Why is everything RED?! ! 515: NATHAN... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! ! 516: They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED ! 517: They had no CHAINSAWS... They had no MONEY MACHINES... ! 518: They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS... ! 519: Nathan, I EMULATED them... but they were OFF-KEY... ! 520: NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!! ! 521: Not SENSUOUS... only ``FROLICSOME''... ! 522: and in need of DENTAL WORK... in PAIN!!! ! 523: Now I am depressed... ! 524: Now I understand the meaning of ``THE MOD SQUAD''! ! 525: Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP ! 526: with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!! ! 527: Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward ! 528: the end of World War II! ! 529: Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round ! 530: wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS ! 531: and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT.. ! 532: Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the ! 533: SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!! ! 534: Now that I have my ``APPLE,'' I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!! ! 535: Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS ! 536: and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! ! 537: Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!! ! 538: OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, ! 539: FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!! ! 540: OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O ! 541: and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if ! 542: it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um... WHERE'S the ! 543: WASHING MACHINES? ! 544: ONE: I will donate my entire ``BABY HUEY'' comic book collection ! 545: to the downtown PLASMA CENTER.. ! 546: TWO: I won't START a BAND called ``KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD''.. ! 547: THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!! ! 548: OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE ! 549: and BEYOND REPAIR!! ! 550: Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE -- ! 551: Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!! ! 552: Oh, I get it!! ``The BEACH goes on,'' huh, SONNY?? ! 553: Okay.. I'm going home to write the ``I HATE RUBIK's CUBE ! 554: HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS''.. ! 555: On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and ! 556: watch REGIS PHILBIN.. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! ! 557: On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL ! 558: QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD ! 559: if only we let it!! ! 560: On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never ! 561: without a POINT. ! 562: Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, ! 563: FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment... ! 564: Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP.. ! 565: It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!! ! 566: We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, ! 567: MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes! ! 568: Our father who art in heaven.. I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY ! 569: at this table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN.. ! 570: and also leave a GENEROUS TIP... ! 571: PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH? ! 572: PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT. ! 573: PIZZA!! ! 574: PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!! ! 575: Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE ! 576: with your BOOTH! ! 577: Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS ! 578: in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES! ! 579: Please come home with me... I have Tylenol!! ! 580: Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!! ! 581: Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! ! 582: RELATIVES!! ! 583: RHAPSODY in Glue! ! 584: Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ! 585: ONLY by prescription!! ! 586: SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright ! 587: blue LEG WARMERS.. He scrubs the POPE with a mild ! 588: soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!! ! 589: SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS ! 590: into empty OIL DRUMS.. ! 591: Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, ! 592: San Francisco, CA 94140, USA ! 593: Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley? ! 594: Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK ! 595: hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST? ! 596: Sign my PETITION. ! 597: So this is what it feels like to be potato salad ! 598: Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!! ! 599: Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!! ! 600: Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing ! 601: ``Leave it to Beaver''! ! 602: Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up ! 603: a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!! ! 604: Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why? ! 605: TAILFINS!! ...click... ! 606: TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the ! 607: ``Wash Cycle'' is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?! ! 608: TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN?? ! 609: Talking Pinhead Blues: ! 610: Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on ! 611: channel TWENTY-SIX!! ! 612: Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS ! 613: has been DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) ! 614: My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th'dog, ALEXANDER ! 615: HAIG won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter.. (snurf) ! 616: So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me ! 617: upside mah HAID!! (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh) ! 618: Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me ! 619: to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!! ! 620: Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL ! 621: Thank god!!.. It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!! ! 622: The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN... ! 623: The Korean War must have been fun. ! 624: The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!! ! 625: The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!! ! 626: The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! ! 627: But they went to MARS around 1953!! ! 628: The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU.. ! 629: The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth ! 630: the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!! ! 631: The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- ! 632: and have since BIRTH!! ! 633: The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading ! 634: down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!! ! 635: There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS ! 636: in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!! ! 637: There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni! ! 638: These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!! ! 639: They collapsed.... like nuns in the street... ! 640: they had no teen appeal! ! 641: This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD... He's so..so.....URGENT!! ! 642: This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully ! 643: pressed up against someone's MARTINI!! ! 644: This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!! ! 645: This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE.. And he has ``VISA''!! ! 646: This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE ! 647: is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film.. ! 648: This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!! ! 649: Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, ! 650: my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!! ! 651: Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a... ! 652: feeling for the aesthetic modules -- ! 653: Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of ! 654: TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER! ! 655: Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES... ! 656: Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! ! 657: I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN. ! 658: UH-OH!! I put on ``GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's'' ! 659: by mistake!!! ! 660: UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S ! 661: having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha. ! 662: UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! ! 663: Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader ! 664: frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend? ! 665: Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS! ! 666: Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!! ! 667: Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE! ! 668: Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and ! 669: TAX-DEFERRED! ! 670: WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?! ! 671: WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must ! 672: be the NEGATIVE IONS!! ! 673: Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction?? ! 674: Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!! ! 675: We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub... ! 676: We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR -- ! 677: We just joined the civil hair patrol! ! 678: We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. ! 679: 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head! ! 680: Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the ! 681: LADIES ROOM... ! 682: Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to ! 683: VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!! ! 684: Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of ! 685: EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR! ! 686: Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. ! 687: I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. ! 688: I HATE it. I LIKE.. EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!! ! 689: Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE? ! 690: What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY? ! 691: What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK... ! 692: What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf? ! 693: What PROGRAM are they watching? ! 694: What UNIVERSE is this, please?? ! 695: What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized ``SNOOTS OF THE STARS'' dealer!! ! 696: What's the MATTER Sid?.. Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory? ! 697: When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP ! 698: or DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it.. ! 699: When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN.. ! 700: When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING? ! 701: When you said ``HEAVILY FORESTED'' it reminded me of an overdue ! 702: CLEANING BILL.. Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE ! 703: COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!! ! 704: Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER? ! 705: Where does it go when you flush? ! 706: Where's SANDY DUNCAN? ! 707: Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT?? ! 708: Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!! ! 709: While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, ! 710: Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!! ! 711: While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S ! 712: bank account.. This will have the same effect as ! 713: two ``STARCH BLOCKERS''! ! 714: Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?? ! 715: Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? ! 716: Don't you know your own ZIPCODE? ! 717: Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex? ! 718: Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your ! 719: HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you?? ! 720: Will it improve my CASH FLOW? ! 721: Will the third world war keep ``Bosom Buddies'' off the air? ! 722: Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease? ! 723: With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather.. ! 724: World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced ! 725: dress code! ! 726: Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it! ! 727: Xerox your lunch and file it under ``sex offenders!'' ! 728: YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!! ! 729: YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little ! 730: VICTORIAN DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!! ! 731: YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL! ! 732: YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! ! 733: YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY ! 734: and th' new TAX REFORM laws!! ! 735: YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!! ! 736: YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!! ! 737: YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth ! 738: of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild ! 739: SEX WEEKEND! ! 740: YOW!!! I am having fun!!! ! 741: Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather ! 742: at an IRON MAIDEN concert? ! 743: You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!! ! 744: You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR ! 745: th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY? ! 746: You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA? ! 747: You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide ! 748: on a NEW CAREER!! ! 749: You were s'posed to laugh! ! 750: Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS -- ! 751: Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes! ! 752: Yow! ! 753: Yow! Am I having fun yet? ! 754: Yow! Am I in Milwaukee? ! 755: Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights! ! 756: Yow! Are we laid back yet? ! 757: Yow! Are we wet yet? ! 758: Yow! Are you the self-frying president? ! 759: Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?? ! 760: Yow! I just went below the poverty line! ! 761: Yow! I threw up on my window! ! 762: Yow! I want my nose in lights! ! 763: Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua! ! 764: Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos ! 765: alone in a steel mill! ! 766: Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce! ! 767: Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof? ! 768: Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it?? ! 769: Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank! ! 770: Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping! ! 771: Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY-- ! 772: Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL ! 773: when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! ! 774: Yow! Now we can become alcoholics! ! 775: Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!! ! 776: Yow! We're going to a new disco! ! 777: Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...
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