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Annotation of 43BSDReno/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy, revision 1.1

1.1     ! root        1: A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
        !             2: %
        !             3: A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
        !             4: %
        !             5: A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
        !             6: %
        !             7: A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled
        !             8: with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
        !             9: %
        !            10: Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
        !            11: %
        !            12: All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
        !            13: by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
        !            14: %
        !            15: All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow
        !            16: a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ...  Although I don't know
        !            17: WHY!!
        !            18: %
        !            19: All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
        !            20: %
        !            21: All right, you degenerates!  I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
        !            22: %
        !            23: All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
        !            24: %
        !            25: Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
        !            26: %
        !            27: Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
        !            28: %
        !            29: Am I elected yet?
        !            30: %
        !            31: Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
        !            32: %
        !            33: Am I SHOPLIFTING?
        !            34: %
        !            35: America!!  I saw it all!!  Vomiting!  Waving!  JERRY FALWELLING into
        !            36: your void tube of UHF oblivion!!  SAFEWAY of the mind ...
        !            37: %
        !            38: An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
        !            39: %
        !            40: An INK-LING?  Sure -- TAKE one!!  Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
        !            41: %
        !            42: An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
        !            43: %
        !            44: And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
        !            45: %
        !            46: ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO
        !            47: MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
        !            48: %
        !            49: Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
        !            50: %
        !            51: Are we live or on tape?
        !            52: %
        !            53: Are we on STRIKE yet?
        !            54: %
        !            55: Are we THERE yet?
        !            56: %
        !            57: Are we THERE yet?  My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
        !            58: %
        !            59: Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
        !            60: %
        !            61: Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS??  If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
        !            62: %
        !            63: Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
        !            64: %
        !            65: As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
        !            66: %
        !            67: Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
        !            68: %
        !            69: BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
        !            70: %
        !            71: Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
        !            72: But Ken says, WOO-WOO!!  No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!!
        !            73: %
        !            74: BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY
        !            75: WAY" I've ever heard!!
        !            76: %
        !            77: Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
        !            78: %
        !            79: BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ...
        !            80: %
        !            81: BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
        !            82: %
        !            83: ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
        !            84: %
        !            85: Bo Derek ruined my life!
        !            86: %
        !            87: Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
        !            88: %
        !            89: Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
        !            90: %
        !            91: But they went to MARS around 1953!!
        !            92: %
        !            93: But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
        !            94: %
        !            95: Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
        !            96: %
        !            97: Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
        !            98: %
        !            99: Catsup and Mustard all over the place!  It's the Human Hamburger!
        !           100: %
        !           101: CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
        !           102: %
        !           103: Civilization is fun!  Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
        !           104: %
        !           105: Clear the laundromat!!  This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
        !           106: %
        !           107: Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS!  Remember the SERIAL
        !           108: NUMBERS!!  Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!!  Have a FREE PEPSI!!  Turn
        !           109: LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!  JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!!  MAKE me an OFFER!!!
        !           110: %
        !           111: CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
        !           112: DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
        !           113: %
        !           114: Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
        !           115: TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
        !           116: %
        !           117: Could I have a drug overdose?
        !           118: %
        !           119: Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in
        !           120: a MALIBU HOT TUB?
        !           121: %
        !           122: Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
        !           123: %
        !           124: Did I say I was a sardine?  Or a bus???
        !           125: %
        !           126: Did I SELL OUT yet??
        !           127: %
        !           128: Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
        !           129: %
        !           130: Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
        !           131: %
        !           132: DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
        !           133: %
        !           134: Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
        !           135: %
        !           136: Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
        !           137: straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the
        !           138: dollar!
        !           139: %
        !           140: Do I have a lifestyle yet?
        !           141: %
        !           142: Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
        !           143: %
        !           144: Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
        !           145: %
        !           146: Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"?
        !           147: %
        !           148: Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
        !           149: %
        !           150: Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?
        !           151: %
        !           152: does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
        !           153: %
        !           154: DON'T go!!  I'm not HOWARD COSELL!!  I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!!
        !           155: Don't go!!  I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
        !           156: %
        !           157: Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
        !           158: %
        !           159: Don't SANFORIZE me!!
        !           160: %
        !           161: Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ...
        !           162: FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK
        !           163: STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ...  Are there any QUESTIONS??
        !           164: %
        !           165: Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
        !           166: %
        !           167: Eisenhower!!  Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
        !           168: %
        !           169: Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!!
        !           170: %
        !           171: Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
        !           172: %
        !           173: Everybody is going somewhere!!  It's probably a garage sale or a
        !           174: disaster Movie!!
        !           175: %
        !           176: Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ...
        !           177: %
        !           178: Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of
        !           179: OFFSET PRINTING?
        !           180: %
        !           181: FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
        !           182: %
        !           183: Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty
        !           184: dining room.
        !           185: %
        !           186: First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ...  So
        !           187: just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!
        !           188: %
        !           189: FOOLED you!  Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!
        !           190: %
        !           191: for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
        !           192: %
        !           193: Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
        !           194: gothic solarium!!
        !           195: %
        !           196: FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ...
        !           197: %
        !           198: FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
        !           199: %
        !           200: Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my
        !           201: satellite dish PAYMENTS!
        !           202: %
        !           203: Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...
        !           204: %
        !           205: Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
        !           206: %
        !           207: Go on, EMOTE!  I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
        !           208: %
        !           209: GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my
        !           210: pet LEISURE SUIT!!
        !           211: %
        !           212: HAIR TONICS, please!!
        !           213: %
        !           214: Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
        !           215: %
        !           216: Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for
        !           217: today!
        !           218: %
        !           219: Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??
        !           220: %
        !           221: Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ...  Now, it's
        !           222: time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
        !           223: %
        !           224: ... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
        !           225: %
        !           226: He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
        !           227: %
        !           228: He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me
        !           229: like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER!  Or maybe he'd like to
        !           230: PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
        !           231: MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!!  I guess I should call AL PACINO!
        !           232: %
        !           233: HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
        !           234: %
        !           235: HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
        !           236: %
        !           237: Hello, GORRY-O!!  I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
        !           238: %
        !           239: Hello.  I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan
        !           240: females!!
        !           241: %
        !           242: Hello.  Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES
        !           243: being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
        !           244: %
        !           245: Hello...  IRON CURTAIN?  Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!  World War III?  No
        !           246: thanks!
        !           247: %
        !           248: Hello?  Enema Bondage?  I'm calling because I want to be happy, I
        !           249: guess ...
        !           250: %
        !           251: Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample
        !           252: bottles ...
        !           253: %
        !           254: Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
        !           255: %
        !           256: Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN
        !           257: anywhere!!
        !           258: %
        !           259: Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?
        !           260: %
        !           261: Hey, wait a minute!!  I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!!
        !           262: %
        !           263: Hey, waiter!  I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
        !           264: %
        !           265: Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some
        !           266: drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
        !           267: %
        !           268: Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a
        !           269: TROLLEY-CAR ...
        !           270: %
        !           271: Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted
        !           272: island, when ...
        !           273: %
        !           274: Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET
        !           275: FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ...
        !           276: %
        !           277: Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL
        !           278: CHLORIDE ...
        !           279: %
        !           280: Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...
        !           281: %
        !           282: HOORAY, Ronald!!  Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!
        !           283: %
        !           284: How do I get HOME?
        !           285: %
        !           286: How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions?  It's th'
        !           287: MOUSTACHE ...  Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY,
        !           288: HONESTY & WARMTH?  It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce
        !           289: to NANCY SINATRA!
        !           290: %
        !           291: How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
        !           292: SHARPENERS right NOW??
        !           293: %
        !           294: How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
        !           295: %
        !           296: How's the wife?  Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
        !           297: %
        !           298: hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.
        !           299: %
        !           300: HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
        !           301: %
        !           302: HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ...
        !           303: %
        !           304: I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
        !           305: %
        !           306: I am a jelly donut.  I am a jelly donut.
        !           307: %
        !           308: I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
        !           309: %
        !           310: I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
        !           311: %
        !           312: I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
        !           313: %
        !           314: I am having FUN...  I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?
        !           315: %
        !           316: I am NOT a nut....
        !           317: %
        !           318: I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
        !           319: %
        !           320: I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
        !           321: %
        !           322: I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
        !           323: %
        !           324: I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!  I wonder if BOB
        !           325: GUCCIONE has these problems!
        !           326: %
        !           327: I can't think about that.  It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of
        !           328: LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ...
        !           329: %
        !           330: I demand IMPUNITY!
        !           331: %
        !           332: I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO!
        !           333: %
        !           334: I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all
        !           335: just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell
        !           336: more numbers!!
        !           337: %
        !           338: ... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
        !           339: LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
        !           340: %
        !           341: I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in
        !           342: my read molars ...
        !           343: %
        !           344: ... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
        !           345: %
        !           346: I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!
        !           347: %
        !           348: I feel ... JUGULAR ...
        !           349: %
        !           350: I feel better about world problems now!
        !           351: %
        !           352: I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
        !           353: %
        !           354: I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ...
        !           355: %
        !           356: I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
        !           357: %
        !           358: I feel partially hydrogenated!
        !           359: %
        !           360: I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the
        !           361: "WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ...  They look NICE
        !           362: in the yard ...
        !           363: %
        !           364: I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ...
        !           365: %
        !           366: I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!
        !           367: %
        !           368: I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ...
        !           369: %
        !           370: I had pancake makeup for brunch!
        !           371: %
        !           372: I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
        !           373: %
        !           374: I have a very good DENTAL PLAN.  Thank you.
        !           375: %
        !           376: I have a VISION!  It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
        !           377: %
        !           378: I have accepted Provolone into my life!
        !           379: %
        !           380: I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
        !           381: %
        !           382: ... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
        !           383: %
        !           384: -- I have seen the FUN --
        !           385: %
        !           386: I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ...
        !           387: %
        !           388: I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the
        !           389: INSTRUCTIONS ...
        !           390: %
        !           391: I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
        !           392: %
        !           393: I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because
        !           394: my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!!
        !           395: %
        !           396: I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
        !           397: every day from Oral Roberts!!
        !           398: %
        !           399: I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ...
        !           400: %
        !           401: I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to
        !           402: live!!
        !           403: %
        !           404: I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ...
        !           405: %
        !           406: I hope you millionaires are having fun!  I just invested half your life
        !           407: savings in yeast!!
        !           408: %
        !           409: I invented skydiving in 1989!
        !           410: %
        !           411: I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
        !           412: %
        !           413: I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
        !           414: %
        !           415: I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he
        !           416: is ...
        !           417: %
        !           418: I just had a NOSE JOB!!
        !           419: %
        !           420: I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
        !           421: %
        !           422: I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!!  And I was just getting in touch
        !           423: with my LEISURE SUIT!!
        !           424: %
        !           425: I just remembered something about a TOAD!
        !           426: %
        !           427: I KAISER ROLL?!  What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW
        !           428: on the SIDE?
        !           429: %
        !           430: I Know A Joke
        !           431: %
        !           432: I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!
        !           433: %
        !           434: I know th'MAMBO!!  I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
        !           435: %
        !           436: I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
        !           437: %
        !           438: I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
        !           439: %
        !           440: I like the way ONLY their mouths move ...  They look like DYING OYSTERS
        !           441: %
        !           442: I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
        !           443: %
        !           444: -- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC.  We're going away
        !           445: now.  I fed the cat.
        !           446: %
        !           447: I love ROCK 'N ROLL!  I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in
        !           448: 1965!!
        !           449: %
        !           450: I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio
        !           451: SLEAZEBALLS!!
        !           452: %
        !           453: I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
        !           454: %
        !           455: I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
        !           456: %
        !           457: I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL
        !           458: legislation..
        !           459: %
        !           460: I represent a sardine!!
        !           461: %
        !           462: I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
        !           463: %
        !           464: ... I see TOILET SEATS ...
        !           465: %
        !           466: I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"!
        !           467: %
        !           468: I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
        !           469: %
        !           470: I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
        !           471: %
        !           472: I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
        !           473: %
        !           474: ... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common
        !           475: MISAPPREHENSIONS ...
        !           476: %
        !           477: I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while
        !           478: reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
        !           479: %
        !           480: I think my career is ruined!
        !           481: %
        !           482: I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH
        !           483: RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
        !           484: %
        !           485: ... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
        !           486: %
        !           487: I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
        !           488: %
        !           489: I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
        !           490: %
        !           491: I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!!
        !           492: %
        !           493: I want EARS!  I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
        !           494: secure!!
        !           495: %
        !           496: ... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
        !           497: SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
        !           498: %
        !           499: I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
        !           500: %
        !           501: I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE
        !           502: and WHEAT THINS ...
        !           503: %
        !           504: I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
        !           505: %
        !           506: I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
        !           507: %
        !           508: ... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
        !           509: %
        !           510: I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...
        !           511: %
        !           512: I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
        !           513: %
        !           514: I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY
        !           515: ... BACKWARDS!!
        !           516: %
        !           517: I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in
        !           518: formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with
        !           519: me --
        !           520: %
        !           521: I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
        !           522: %
        !           523: I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
        !           524: %
        !           525: I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
        !           526: %
        !           527: I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
        !           528: %
        !           529: I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
        !           530: %
        !           531: I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
        !           532: %
        !           533: I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE
        !           534: STRANGER?
        !           535: %
        !           536: I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!
        !           537: %
        !           538: I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?
        !           539: %
        !           540: I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
        !           541: %
        !           542: I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
        !           543: %
        !           544: I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE --
        !           545: %
        !           546: I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
        !           547: %
        !           548: I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ...
        !           549: %
        !           550: I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
        !           551: %
        !           552: I'm a GENIUS!  I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN
        !           553: SONTAG!!
        !           554: %
        !           555: I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
        !           556: %
        !           557: I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!
        !           558: %
        !           559: I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
        !           560: %
        !           561: I'm ANN LANDERS!!  I can SHOPLIFT!!
        !           562: %
        !           563: I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO
        !           564: MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"!
        !           565: %
        !           566: I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
        !           567: %
        !           568: I'm definitely not in Omaha!
        !           569: %
        !           570: I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this
        !           571: miniature DOMED STADIUM ...
        !           572: %
        !           573: I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!!  Too late...
        !           574: %
        !           575: I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
        !           576: %
        !           577: I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
        !           578: %
        !           579: I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
        !           580: %
        !           581: I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!
        !           582: %
        !           583: I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
        !           584: %
        !           585: I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
        !           586: %
        !           587: I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS
        !           588: %
        !           589: I'm having a tax-deductible experience!  I need an energy crunch!!
        !           590: %
        !           591: I'm having an emotional outburst!!
        !           592: %
        !           593: I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!!  But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in
        !           594: my PAJAMA POCKET??
        !           595: %
        !           596: I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and
        !           597: wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ...
        !           598: %
        !           599: I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
        !           600: %
        !           601: ... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
        !           602: of a KOSHER DELI --
        !           603: %
        !           604: I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
        !           605: %
        !           606: I'm into SOFTWARE!
        !           607: %
        !           608: I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my
        !           609: PERSONAL SPACE!!
        !           610: %
        !           611: I'm mentally OVERDRAWN!  What's that SIGNPOST up ahead?  Where's ROD
        !           612: STERLING when you really need him?
        !           613: %
        !           614: I'm not an Iranian!!  I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
        !           615: %
        !           616: I'm not available for comment..
        !           617: %
        !           618: I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT!  Am I doing it correctly??
        !           619: %
        !           620: I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO
        !           621: MONTALBAN!
        !           622: %
        !           623: I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife
        !           624: and two children stand QUIETLY BY ...
        !           625: %
        !           626: I'm rated PG-34!!
        !           627: %
        !           628: I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
        !           629: %
        !           630: I'm RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!!  Equip me with
        !           631: MISSILES!!
        !           632: %
        !           633: I'm reporting for duty as a modern person.  I want to do the Latin
        !           634: Hustle now!
        !           635: %
        !           636: I'm shaving!!  I'M SHAVING!!
        !           637: %
        !           638: I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM
        !           639: ... I'm VIBRATORY ...
        !           640: %
        !           641: I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated
        !           642: IMAGE FORMATIONS ...
        !           643: %
        !           644: I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of
        !           645: CHICKEN ...
        !           646: %
        !           647: I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER
        !           648: WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
        !           649: %
        !           650: I'm wearing PAMPERS!!
        !           651: %
        !           652: I'm wet!  I'm wild!
        !           653: %
        !           654: I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR
        !           655: REGIONS!
        !           656: %
        !           657: I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
        !           658: %
        !           659: I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
        !           660: %
        !           661: I've got an IDEA!!  Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your
        !           662: SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
        !           663: %
        !           664: I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
        !           665: %
        !           666: ... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im
        !           667: antiken Rom ...  einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche
        !           668: PIZZA ...
        !           669: %
        !           670: If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for
        !           671: MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a
        !           672: GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
        !           673: %
        !           674: If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old
        !           675: houseboy ...
        !           676: %
        !           677: If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
        !           678: %
        !           679: If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
        !           680: replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
        !           681: %
        !           682: If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
        !           683: %
        !           684: If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
        !           685: %
        !           686: ... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate
        !           687: man!!
        !           688: %
        !           689: If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!!  Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
        !           690: %
        !           691: if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
        !           692: %
        !           693: If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
        !           694: %
        !           695: If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
        !           696: Bonzo??
        !           697: %
        !           698: In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental
        !           699: Belt," for $10.99!!
        !           700: %
        !           701: In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
        !           702: %
        !           703: INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
        !           704: %
        !           705: Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
        !           706: %
        !           707: Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship?  Or are we suffering in
        !           708: Safeway?
        !           709: %
        !           710: Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders??  Is the FROG
        !           711: his GUIDELIGHT??  It is curious that a DOG runs already on the
        !           712: ESCALATOR ...
        !           713: %
        !           714: Is it 1974?  What's for SUPPER?  Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one
        !           715: wild afternoon??
        !           716: %
        !           717: Is it clean in other dimensions?
        !           718: %
        !           719: Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a
        !           720: plate of SAUCE MORNAY?
        !           721: %
        !           722: Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?
        !           723: %
        !           724: Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"?
        !           725: %
        !           726: Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
        !           727: %
        !           728: Is this TERMINAL fun?
        !           729: %
        !           730: Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also
        !           731: makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
        !           732: %
        !           733: Isn't this my STOP?!
        !           734: %
        !           735: It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
        !           736: %
        !           737: It was a JOKE!!  Get it??  I was receiving messages from DAVID
        !           738: LETTERMAN!!  YOW!!
        !           739: %
        !           740: It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!?
        !           741: %
        !           742: It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!!
        !           743: %
        !           744: It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA
        !           745: in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making
        !           746: FRENCH TOAST!
        !           747: %
        !           748: It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
        !           749: %
        !           750: It's the RINSE CYCLE!!  They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
        !           751: %
        !           752: JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level
        !           753: of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ...
        !           754: %
        !           755: Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
        !           756: %
        !           757: Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ...
        !           758: %
        !           759: Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be
        !           760: carried too FAR!
        !           761: %
        !           762: Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
        !           763: PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
        !           764: %
        !           765: Laundry is the fifth dimension!!  ... um ... um ... th' washing machine
        !           766: is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
        !           767: %
        !           768: LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
        !           769: %
        !           770: Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a
        !           771: SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your
        !           772: ASHTRAYS ...
        !           773: %
        !           774: Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
        !           775: %
        !           776: Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
        !           777: %
        !           778: Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
        !           779: %
        !           780: Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
        !           781: %
        !           782: Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
        !           783: %
        !           784: Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
        !           785: %
        !           786: Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!!  Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a
        !           787: HIGHBALL?? ...
        !           788: %
        !           789: Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge
        !           790: card!
        !           791: %
        !           792: Look!  A ladder!  Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
        !           793: %
        !           794: LOOK!!  Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of
        !           795: Seagulls" HAIRCUTS!
        !           796: %
        !           797: Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
        !           798: %
        !           799: Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a
        !           800: cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
        !           801: %
        !           802: Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE --
        !           803: %
        !           804: MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
        !           805: %
        !           806: MMM-MM!!  So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION! 
        !           807: %
        !           808: Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!!  A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the
        !           809: shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!!  I'm about to swallow a
        !           810: TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and
        !           811: SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE,
        !           812: BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded
        !           813: animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!!  That was GOOD!!  For DESSERT,
        !           814: I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE
        !           815: WHEAT BUN!!
        !           816: %
        !           817: Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of
        !           818: the INDONESIAN archipelago?
        !           819: %
        !           820: My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
        !           821: %
        !           822: My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE
        !           823: FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
        !           824: %
        !           825: My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New
        !           826: York!!
        !           827: %
        !           828: My EARS are GONE!!
        !           829: %
        !           830: My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's
        !           831: care!!!!
        !           832: %
        !           833: My haircut is totally traditional!
        !           834: %
        !           835: MY income is ALL disposable!
        !           836: %
        !           837: My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ...
        !           838: %
        !           839: My life is a patio of fun!
        !           840: %
        !           841: My mind is a potato field ...
        !           842: %
        !           843: My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ...
        !           844: %
        !           845: My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ...
        !           846: %
        !           847: my NOSE is NUMB!
        !           848: %
        !           849: ... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
        !           850: Alley!!
        !           851: %
        !           852: My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
        !           853: %
        !           854: My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
        !           855: %
        !           856: My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C.  And I can prove it too!!
        !           857: %
        !           858: My vaseline is RUNNING...
        !           859: %
        !           860: NANCY!!  Why is everything RED?!
        !           861: %
        !           862: NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!!  They're VOIDED -- They
        !           863: COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They
        !           864: did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but
        !           865: they were OFF-KEY ...
        !           866: %
        !           867: NEWARK has been REZONED!!  DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
        !           868: %
        !           869: Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
        !           870: %
        !           871: Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ...
        !           872: in PAIN!!!
        !           873: %
        !           874: Now I am depressed ...
        !           875: %
        !           876: Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST
        !           877: BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!
        !           878: %
        !           879: Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
        !           880: %
        !           881: Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the
        !           882: BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
        !           883: %
        !           884: Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World
        !           885: War II!
        !           886: %
        !           887: Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of
        !           888: HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached
        !           889: by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
        !           890: %
        !           891: Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
        !           892: %
        !           893: Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING
        !           894: and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!
        !           895: %
        !           896: Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
        !           897: %
        !           898: ... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
        !           899: %
        !           900: Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
        !           901: %
        !           902: Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
        !           903: %
        !           904: Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
        !           905: %
        !           906: Oh, I get it!!  "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
        !           907: %
        !           908: Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR
        !           909: DEAD CAT LOVERS" ...
        !           910: %
        !           911: OKAY!!  Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED
        !           912: R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
        !           913: %
        !           914: OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
        !           915: and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
        !           916: it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S
        !           917: the WASHING MACHINES?
        !           918: %
        !           919: On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS
        !           920: PHILBIN ...  It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!
        !           921: %
        !           922: On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL
        !           923: QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
        !           924: %
        !           925: On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
        !           926: POINT.
        !           927: %
        !           928: Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of
        !           929: DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY
        !           930: VALUES!!
        !           931: %
        !           932: Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION
        !           933: statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was
        !           934: completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely
        !           935: amusing SIT-COM pilots!!  We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we
        !           936: finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled
        !           937: snack cakes!
        !           938: %
        !           939: One FISHWICH coming up!!
        !           940: %
        !           941: ONE:    I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to
        !           942:        the downtown PLASMA CENTER ...
        !           943: TWO:   I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ...
        !           944: THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!
        !           945: %
        !           946: ... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
        !           947: Tuesday?
        !           948: %
        !           949: Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this
        !           950: table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also
        !           951: leave a GENEROUS TIP ....
        !           952: %
        !           953: over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ...
        !           954: %
        !           955: OVER the underpass!  UNDER the overpass!  Around the FUTURE and BEYOND
        !           956: REPAIR!!
        !           957: %
        !           958: PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
        !           959: %
        !           960: Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your
        !           961: BOOTH!
        !           962: %
        !           963: PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
        !           964: %
        !           965: PIZZA!!
        !           966: %
        !           967: Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the
        !           968: Trianon Room!!  Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
        !           969: %
        !           970: Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!!
        !           971: %
        !           972: Psychoanalysis??  I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
        !           973: %
        !           974: PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!
        !           975: %
        !           976: Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
        !           977: %
        !           978: RELATIVES!!
        !           979: %
        !           980: Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by
        !           981: prescription!!
        !           982: %
        !           983: RHAPSODY in Glue!
        !           984: %
        !           985: SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS
        !           986: ... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes,
        !           987: starring JANE FONDA!!
        !           988: %
        !           989: Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA
        !           990: 94140, USA
        !           991: %
        !           992: SHHHH!!  I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into
        !           993: empty OIL DRUMS ...
        !           994: %
        !           995: Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
        !           996: %
        !           997: Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a
        !           998: VASECTOMY??
        !           999: %
        !          1000: Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
        !          1001: hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
        !          1002: %
        !          1003: Sign my PETITION.
        !          1004: %
        !          1005: So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
        !          1006: %
        !          1007: So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL
        !          1008: INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2
        !          1009: SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
        !          1010: %
        !          1011: someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
        !          1012: %
        !          1013: Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
        !          1014: %
        !          1015: Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB
        !          1016: CHOP!!
        !          1017: %
        !          1018: Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a
        !          1019: batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
        !          1020: %
        !          1021: Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it
        !          1022: to Beaver"!
        !          1023: %
        !          1024: Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!!  I wonder why?
        !          1025: %
        !          1026: TAILFINS!! ... click ...
        !          1027: %
        !          1028:        Talking Pinhead Blues:
        !          1029: Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel
        !          1030:     TWENTY-SIX!!
        !          1031: 
        !          1032: Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been
        !          1033:     DEAD for YEARS..  (sniff)
        !          1034: 
        !          1035: My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG
        !          1036:     won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)
        !          1037: 
        !          1038: So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!
        !          1039:     (on no, no, no..  Heh, heh)
        !          1040: %
        !          1041: TAPPING?  You POLITICIANS!  Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash
        !          1042: Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
        !          1043: %
        !          1044: Tex SEX!  The HOME of WHEELS!  The dripping of COFFEE!!  Take me to
        !          1045: Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
        !          1046: %
        !          1047: Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
        !          1048: %
        !          1049: Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
        !          1050: %
        !          1051: The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
        !          1052: the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
        !          1053: %
        !          1054: The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
        !          1055: and have since BIRTH!!
        !          1056: %
        !          1057: The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my
        !          1058: SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
        !          1059: %
        !          1060: The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
        !          1061: %
        !          1062: ... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
        !          1063: OYSTER!  Yum!
        !          1064: %
        !          1065: The Korean War must have been fun.
        !          1066: %
        !          1067: ... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
        !          1068: %
        !          1069: The Osmonds!  You are all Osmonds!!  Throwing up on a freeway at
        !          1070: dawn!!!
        !          1071: %
        !          1072: The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
        !          1073: %
        !          1074: The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!!  But they went to MARS
        !          1075: around 1953!!
        !          1076: %
        !          1077: The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ...
        !          1078: %
        !          1079: There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
        !          1080: in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
        !          1081: %
        !          1082: There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
        !          1083: %
        !          1084: These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
        !          1085: %
        !          1086: They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen
        !          1087: appeal!
        !          1088: %
        !          1089: This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
        !          1090: %
        !          1091: This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
        !          1092: %
        !          1093: This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up
        !          1094: against someone's MARTINI!!
        !          1095: %
        !          1096: ... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
        !          1097: %
        !          1098: This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
        !          1099: %
        !          1100: This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
        !          1101: %
        !          1102: This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience!  Someone I DON'T LIKE is
        !          1103: talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ...
        !          1104: %
        !          1105: Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD
        !          1106: SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
        !          1107: %
        !          1108: Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the
        !          1109: aesthetic modules --
        !          1110: %
        !          1111: Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER
        !          1112: before his MAKEOVER!
        !          1113: %
        !          1114: Toes, knees, NIPPLES.  Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ...
        !          1115: Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
        !          1116: %
        !          1117: TONY RANDALL!  Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
        !          1118: %
        !          1119: Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
        !          1120: frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
        !          1121: %
        !          1122: Uh-oh!!  I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
        !          1123: %
        !          1124: UH-OH!!  I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by
        !          1125: mistake!!!
        !          1126: %
        !          1127: UH-OH!!  I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a
        !          1128: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!!  Ha ha.
        !          1129: %
        !          1130: Uh-oh!!  I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
        !          1131: %
        !          1132: UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
        !          1133: %
        !          1134: Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
        !          1135: %
        !          1136: VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
        !          1137: %
        !          1138: Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
        !          1139: TAX-DEFERRED!
        !          1140: %
        !          1141: Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat
        !          1142: Junction??
        !          1143: %
        !          1144: Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN?  It tastes REAL GOOD!!
        !          1145: %
        !          1146: We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot
        !          1147: tub ...
        !          1148: %
        !          1149: We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
        !          1150: %
        !          1151: We just joined the civil hair patrol!
        !          1152: %
        !          1153: We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home.
        !          1154: 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!
        !          1155: %
        !          1156: Well, here I am in AMERICA..  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I
        !          1157: HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE ...
        !          1158: EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!
        !          1159: %
        !          1160: Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!!  And I'm looking for a way to
        !          1161: VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
        !          1162: %
        !          1163: Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
        !          1164: ROOM ...
        !          1165: %
        !          1166: Well, O.K.  I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL
        !          1167: DESPAIR!
        !          1168: %
        !          1169: Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
        !          1170: %
        !          1171: What a COINCIDENCE!  I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!!
        !          1172: %
        !          1173: What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
        !          1174: %
        !          1175: What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ...
        !          1176: %
        !          1177: What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
        !          1178: %
        !          1179: What PROGRAM are they watching?
        !          1180: %
        !          1181: What UNIVERSE is this, please??
        !          1182: %
        !          1183: What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
        !          1184: %
        !          1185: When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or
        !          1186: DETERGENT for 15 minutes.  He seemed to enjoy it ...
        !          1187: %
        !          1188: When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ...
        !          1189: %
        !          1190: When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
        !          1191: %
        !          1192: When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING
        !          1193: BILL ... Don't you SEE?  O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION
        !          1194: and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!
        !          1195: %
        !          1196: Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
        !          1197: %
        !          1198: Where does it go when you flush?
        !          1199: %
        !          1200: Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
        !          1201: %
        !          1202: Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
        !          1203: %
        !          1204: Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!
        !          1205: %
        !          1206: While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit
        !          1207: priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
        !          1208: %
        !          1209: While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ...  his
        !          1210: will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!
        !          1211: %
        !          1212: WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
        !          1213: %
        !          1214: WHOA!!  Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!!  It must be the
        !          1215: NEGATIVE IONS!!
        !          1216: %
        !          1217: Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
        !          1218: %
        !          1219: Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin??  Don't you know your
        !          1220: own ZIPCODE?
        !          1221: %
        !          1222: Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
        !          1223: %
        !          1224: Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT
        !          1225: CENTER with you??
        !          1226: %
        !          1227: Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
        !          1228: %
        !          1229: Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
        !          1230: %
        !          1231: Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
        !          1232: %
        !          1233: With YOU, I can be MYSELF ...  We don't NEED Dan Rather ...
        !          1234: %
        !          1235: World War III?  No thanks!
        !          1236: %
        !          1237: World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
        !          1238: dress code!
        !          1239: %
        !          1240: Wow!  Look!!  A stray meatball!!  Let's interview it!
        !          1241: %
        !          1242: Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
        !          1243: %
        !          1244: Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON
        !          1245: MAIDEN concert?
        !          1246: %
        !          1247: You can't hurt me!!  I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
        !          1248: %
        !          1249: You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th'
        !          1250: distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?
        !          1251: %
        !          1252: You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
        !          1253: %
        !          1254: YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!
        !          1255: %
        !          1256: You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW
        !          1257: CAREER!!
        !          1258: %
        !          1259: You were s'posed to laugh!
        !          1260: %
        !          1261: YOU!!  Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN
        !          1262: DOLLHOUSE you can find!!  An make it SNAPPY!!
        !          1263: %
        !          1264: Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
        !          1265: %
        !          1266: Youth of today!  Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental
        !          1267: attitudes!
        !          1268: %
        !          1269: Yow!
        !          1270: %
        !          1271: Yow!  Am I having fun yet?
        !          1272: %
        !          1273: Yow!  Am I in Milwaukee?
        !          1274: %
        !          1275: Yow!  And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
        !          1276: %
        !          1277: Yow!  Are we laid back yet?
        !          1278: %
        !          1279: Yow!  Are we wet yet?
        !          1280: %
        !          1281: Yow!  Are you the self-frying president?
        !          1282: %
        !          1283: Yow!  Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
        !          1284: %
        !          1285: Yow!  I just went below the poverty line!
        !          1286: %
        !          1287: Yow!  I threw up on my window!
        !          1288: %
        !          1289: Yow!  I want my nose in lights!
        !          1290: %
        !          1291: Yow!  I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
        !          1292: %
        !          1293: Yow!  I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel
        !          1294: mill!
        !          1295: %
        !          1296: Yow!  I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
        !          1297: %
        !          1298: Yow!  Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
        !          1299: %
        !          1300: Yow!  Is this sexual intercourse yet??  Is it, huh, is it??
        !          1301: %
        !          1302: Yow!  It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
        !          1303: %
        !          1304: Yow!  It's some people inside the wall!  This is better than mopping!
        !          1305: %
        !          1306: Yow!  Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY --
        !          1307: %
        !          1308: Yow!  Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING
        !          1309: BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
        !          1310: %
        !          1311: Yow!  Now we can become alcoholics!
        !          1312: %
        !          1313: Yow!  Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
        !          1314: %
        !          1315: Yow!  We're going to a new disco!
        !          1316: %
        !          1317: YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
        !          1318: %
        !          1319: YOW!!  I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
        !          1320: %
        !          1321: YOW!!  Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM
        !          1322: laws!!
        !          1323: %
        !          1324: YOW!!  The land of the rising SONY!!
        !          1325: %
        !          1326: YOW!!  Up ahead!  It's a DONUT HUT!!
        !          1327: %
        !          1328: YOW!!  What should the entire human race DO??  Consume a fifth of
        !          1329: CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
        !          1330: %
        !          1331: YOW!!!  I am having fun!!!
        !          1332: %
        !          1333: Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...

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