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1.1 root 1: Warning: The fortunes contained in the fortune database have
2: been collected haphazardly from a caphony of sources,
3: in number so huge it boggles the mind. It is
4: impossible to do any meaningful quality control on
5: attributions, or lack thereof, or exactness of the
6: quote. Since this database is not used for profit, and
7: since entire works are not published, it falls under
8: fair use, as we understand it. However, if any
9: half-assed idiot decides to make a profit off of this,
10: they will need to double check it all, and nobody not
11: involved of such an effort makes any warranty that
12: anything in here bears any relation to the real world
13: of literature, law, or other bizzarrity.
14:
15: [All examples are indented by one tab stop -- KCRCA]
16:
17: Numbers should be given in parentheses, e.g.,
18:
19: (1) Everything depends.
20: (2) Nothing is always.
21: (3) Everything is sometimes.
22:
23: Attributions are two tab stops, followed by two hyphens, followed by a
24: space, followed by the attribution, and are *not* preceded by blank
25: lines. Book, journal, movie, and all other titles are in quotes, .e.g,
26:
27: $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
28: which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
29: -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
30:
31: Attributions which do not fit on one (72 char) line should be continued
32: on a line which lines up below the first text of the attribution, e.g.,
33:
34: -- A very long attribution which might not fit on one
35: line, "Ken Arnold's Stupid Sayings"
36:
37: Single paragraph fortunes are in left justified (non-indented)
38: paragraphs unless they fall into another category listed below (see
39: examle above). Longer fortunes should also be in left justified
40: paragraphs, but if this makes it too long, try indented paragraphs,
41: with indentations of either one tab stop or 5 chars. Indentations of
42: less than 5 are too hard to read.
43:
44: Laws have the title left justified and capitalized, followed by a
45: colon, with all the text of the law itself indented one tab stop,
46: initially capitalized, e.g.,
47:
48: A Law of Computer Programming:
49: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
50: will find the programmers cannot write in English.
51:
52: Limericks are indented as follows, all lines capitalized:
53:
54: A computer, to print out a fact,
55: Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
56: But this output can be
57: No more than debris,
58: If the input was short of exact.
59:
60: Accents precede the letter they are over, e.g., "`^He" for e with a
61: grave accent. Underlining is done on a word-by-word basis, with the
62: underlines preceding the word, e.g., "__^H^Hhi ____^H^H^H^Hthere".
63:
64: No fortune should run beyond 72 characters on a single line without
65: good justification (er, no pun intended). And no right margin
66: justification, either. Sorry.
67:
68: Definitions are given with the word or phrase left justified, followed
69: by the part of speech (if appropriate) and a colon. The definition
70: starts indented by one tab stop, with subsequent lines left justified,
71: e.g.,
72:
73: Afternoon, n.:
74: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
75: morning.
76:
77: Quotes are sometimes put around statements which are funnier or make
78: more sense if they are understood as being spoken, rather than written,
79: communication, e.g,
80:
81: "All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us
82: sane."
83:
84: Elipses are always surrounded by spaces, except when next to
85: puncuation, and are three dots, unless there is a good reason not to.
86: (In fact, all these rules can be broken if they make a good joke.)
87:
88: "... all the modern inconveniences ..."
89: -- Mark Twain
90:
91: Human initials always have spaces after the periods, e.g, "P. T.
92: Barnum", not "P.T. Barnum". However, "P.T.A.", not "P. T. A.".
93:
94: All fortunes should be attributed, but if and only if they are original
95: with somebody. Many people have said things that are folk sayings
96: (i.e., are common among the folk (i.e., us common slobs)). There is
97: nothing wrong with this, of course, but such statements should not be
98: attributed to individuals who did not invent them.
99:
100: Horoscopes should have the sign indented by one tab stop, followed by
101: the dates of the sign, with the text left justified below it, e.g.,
102:
103: AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
104: You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie
105: a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
106: impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over
107: again. People think you are stupid.
108:
109: Single quotes should not be used except as quotes within quotes. Not
110: even single quotes masquerading as double quotes are to be used, e.g.,
111: don't say ``hi there'' or `hi there' or 'hi there', but "hi there".
112: However, you *can* say "I said, `hi there'".
113:
114: A long poem or song can be ordered as follows in order to make it
115: fit on a screen (fortunes should be 19 lines or less if at all
116: possible):
117:
118: 11111111111111111111
119: 11111111111111111111
120: 11111111111111111111 22222222222222222222
121: 11111111111111111111 22222222222222222222
122: 22222222222222222222
123: 33333333333333333333 22222222222222222222
124: 33333333333333333333
125: 33333333333333333333 44444444444444444444
126: 33333333333333333333 44444444444444444444
127: 44444444444444444444
128: 44444444444444444444
129:
130: Fortunes are split into potentially offensive and not potentially
131: offensive, into the files "obscene" and "scene", respectively.
132: Anything which would not make it onto network prime time programming
133: should *not* go into "scene". Also, anything which would only get on
134: if some discredited kind of guy said it should *not* go in scene.
135: Fortunes containing "shit", "fuck", "cock" (not the male version of a
136: chicken, obviously, but "penis"), "cunt", "pussy", and such like are
137: *obscene*. Political opinions are supposed to be in "obscene", too.
138: Antyhing which is blatantly racist, mysoginist, or homophobic, should
139: not be in either, since they are not really funny unless *you* are
140: racist, mysoginist, or homophobic.
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