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1.1 ! root 1: # FARB ! 2: # ! 3: # Generate farberism ! 4: # ! 5: # Ralph E. Griswold ! 6: # ! 7: # Last modified 2/1/86 ! 8: # ! 9: # ! 10: ! 11: # This program is broken into procedures in an arbitrary way to allow ! 12: # it to be translated on computers with limited address spaces. ! 13: # ! 14: ! 15: procedure main() ! 16: &random := map(&clock,":","0") ! 17: write(??[farb1(),farb2(),farb3(),farb4()]) ! 18: end ! 19: ! 20: procedure farb1() ! 21: return [ ! 22: "I enjoy his smiling continence.", ! 23: "Picasso wasn't born in a day.", ! 24: "I'll be there with spades on.", ! 25: "Beware a Trojan bearing a horse.", ! 26: "A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.", ! 27: "All the lemmings are going home to roost.", ! 28: "Anybody who marries her would stand out like a sore thumb.", ! 29: "Before they made him they broke the mold.", ! 30: "He's casting a red herring on the face of the water.", ! 31: "Clean up or fly right.", ! 32: "Come down off your charlie horse.", ! 33: "Don't burn your bridges until you come to them.", ! 34: "Don't count your chickens until the barn door is closed.", ! 35: "Don't do anything I wouldn't do standing up in a hammock.", ! 36: "Don't get your eye out of joint.", ! 37: "Don't just stand there like a sitting duck.", ! 38: "Don't look a mixed bag in the mouth.", ! 39: "Don't look at me in that tone of voice.", ! 40: "Don't make a molehill out of a can of beans.", ! 41: "Don't make a tempest out of a teapot." ! 42: ] ! 43: end ! 44: ! 45: procedure farb2() ! 46: return [ ! 47: "Don't upset the apple pie.", ! 48: "Every cloud has a blue horizon.", ! 49: "She's faster than the naked eye.", ! 50: "Feather your den with somebody else's nest.", ! 51: "From here on up, it's down hill all the way.", ! 52: "Go fly your little red wagon somewhere else.", ! 53: "Half a worm is better than none.", ! 54: "He doesn't know which side his head is buttered on.", ! 55: "He has feet of molasses.", ! 56: "He hit the nose right on the head.", ! 57: "He knows which side his pocketbook is buttered on.", ! 58: "He smokes like a fish.", ! 59: "He was hoisted by a skyhook on his own petard!", ! 60: "He was putrified with fright.", ! 61: "He would forget his head if it weren't screwed up.", ! 62: "He's as happy as a pig at high tide.", ! 63: "He's been living off his laurels for years.", ! 64: "He's got a rat's nest by the tail.", ! 65: "He's got four sheets in the wind.", ! 66: "He's letting ground grow under his feet.", ! 67: "He's lying through his britches.", ! 68: "He's procrastinating like a bandit.", ! 69: "He's reached the crescent of his success.", ! 70: "He's so far above me I can't reach his bootstraps.", ! 71: "He's too smart for his own bootstraps.", ! 72: "His foot is in his mouth up to his ear.", ! 73: "History is just a repetition of the past.", ! 74: "I apologize on cringed knees.", ! 75: "I don't know which dagger to clothe it in.", ! 76: "I hear the handwriting on the wall.", ! 77: "I wouldn't marry her with a twenty-foot pole.", ! 78: "I'll procrastinate when I get around to it.", ! 79: "I'm going to throw myself into the teeth of the gamut.", ! 80: "I'm parked somewhere in the boondoggles." ! 81: ] ! 82: end ! 83: ! 84: procedure farb3() ! 85: return [ ! 86: "I'm walking on cloud nine.", ! 87: "I've got to put my duff to the grindstone.", ! 88: "I've had it up to the hilt.", ! 89: "If Calvin Coolidge were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.", ! 90: "If the onus fits, wear it.", ! 91: "Is he an Amazon!", ! 92: "It fills a well-needed gap.", ! 93: "It is better to have tried and failed than never to have failed at all.", ! 94: "It looks like it's going to go on ad infinitum for a while.", ! 95: "It sounds like roses to my ears.", ! 96: "It's a caterpillar in pig's clothing.", ! 97: "It's a fiat accompli.", ! 98: "It's a fool's paradise wrapped in sheep's clothing.", ! 99: "It's a monkey wrench in your ointment.", ! 100: "It's a new high in lows.", ! 101: "It's bouncing like a greased pig.", ! 102: "It's enough to make you want to rot your socks.", ! 103: "It's like talking to a needle in a haystack.", ! 104: "It's like trying to light a fire under a lead camel.", ! 105: "It's not his bag of tea.", ! 106: "It's so unbelieveable you wouldn't believe it.", ! 107: "Just because it's there, you don't have to mount it.", ! 108: "Keep your ear peeled!", ! 109: "Let's not drag any more dead herrings across the garden path.", ! 110: "Let's skin another can of worms.", ! 111: "Look at the camera and say `bird'.", ! 112: "Look before you turn the other cheek.", ! 113: "Men, women, and children first!", ! 114: "Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.", ! 115: "Never feed a hungry dog an empty loaf of bread.", ! 116: "No rocks grow on Charlie.", ! 117: "No sooner said, the better.", ! 118: "Nobody could fill his socks.", ! 119: "Nobody is going to give you the world in a saucer.", ! 120: "Nobody marches with the same drummer.", ! 121: "Not by the foggiest stretch of the imagination!", ! 122: "Not in a cocked hat, you don't!", ! 123: "People in glass houses shouldn't call the kettle black.", ! 124: "Put it on the back of the stove and let it simper." ! 125: ] ! 126: end ! 127: ! 128: procedure farb4() ! 129: return [ ! 130: "Put the onus on the other foot.", ! 131: "Rome wasn't built on good intentions alone.", ! 132: "She has eyes like two holes in a burnt blanket.", ! 133: "She's a virgin who has never been defoliated.", ! 134: "She's trying to feather her own bush.", ! 135: "Somebody's flubbing his dub.", ! 136: "It's steel wool and a yard wide.", ! 137: "Straighten up or fly right.", ! 138: "Strange bedfellows flock together.", ! 139: "That's a bird of a different color.", ! 140: "That's a horse of a different feather.", ! 141: "That's a sight for deaf ears.", ! 142: "That's the way the old ball game bounces.", ! 143: "The die has been cast on the face of the waters.", ! 144: "The early bird will find his can of worms.", ! 145: "The foot that rocks the cradle is usually in the mouth.", ! 146: "The onus is on the other foot.", ! 147: "The whole thing is a hairy potpourri.", ! 148: "There are enough cooks in the pot already.", ! 149: "There's a dark cloud on every rainbow's horizon.", ! 150: "There's a flaw in the ointment.", ! 151: "There's going to be hell and high water to pay.", ! 152: "They don't stand a teabag's chance in hell.", ! 153: "They sure dipsied his doodle.", ! 154: "This ivory tower we're living in is a glass house.", ! 155: "Time and tide strike but once.", ! 156: ] ! 157: end
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